‘I can’t stop grieving, unable to move on’

“He was just talking to me…then he went just silent…I can’t get over it,” Tom told me, visibly in a deep state of grief.

“It’s like the world has come to a stop for me. I’m alive but I don’t feel like it, there’s nothing seem to be left for me to see,” he wept and went on, “I’m counting the days till there will be my last.”

He surprised me, though I wasn’t shocked, as I sat in my clinic, listening to this grieving young man. I knew grief can be overwhelming, and sometimes, overpowering. I was surprised because I had seen him just last week, cheerful and full of life, as he called me to let me know about his graduation.

Tom visited me occasionally during his teen years when he was struggling with a minor drug problem. It was a cumbersome but successful journey. And here he was, all shattered and empty within.

But this changing state wasn’t alien to me; I had seen the most optimistic and brave people reduced to shreds. This is what losing a loved one is like, it breaks…and takes a toll on your mental and physical wellbeing.

The 25-year-old had suddenly lost his elder brother in a car accident. A father figure, the one person he had always looked up to after losing his dad to cancer when he was little.

I was able to put him back on track, eventually, and this is what I learned myself during the sessions.

Allow Yourself Time

“Grief, if you must,” they say. This is where we learn to essentially allow ourselves time. Grief should be the last thing on your list that you want to rush past. Your mind is powerful and it has its own unique way of adjusting to new realities. Allow yourself time, and it will be rewarding.

Don’t Fight It

It’s not uncommon, at all, for the one grieving to constantly be reminded of whom they lost. Every corner you turn seems to a reminder of them; a loving wife, brother or one of your parents. Don’t suppress the feeling, for it will come and go and take its own course.

Find Support

Just because you have to face intense sorrow doesn’t mean you have to do it alone. Find a support system, a shoulder to cry on, or a friend who has a good ear. Anyone who can be your support during this extremely difficult time, will do!

Embrace It

Like I side, you ought to not suppress your emotions. Whenever you’re reminded of your loved one, think of it as an opportunity to pray for them with all your heart. Cherish the remembrance and it will be easier to deal with.

Move On

You don’t have to, it will! Surprised? If you do the above steps, it will pass sooner than you think. It is only a matter of time, believe me! Let it be a subtle process, make it a profound remembrance!